You know that phrase?? The one that everybody always groan at, and roll their eyes toward, but deep down inside, they know it's true? Come on, you know the one I am talking about. The one that goes,
"Everything happens for a reason, you just have to wait and see why..."
I don't know about you, but that quote always makes me kind of impatient and annoyed...even though I know it is true with all my heart. I have seen it played out, over and over again. The problem isn't that I don't trust or believe in it, the problem is in the waiting part. I don't have patience, and everybody that knows me can tell you that. So even though I know it is true, sometimes the waiting part just gets the better of me.
There are times when I don't even want to wait anymore and start to sulk around, not really caring. I don't want to care, because I am done waiting. I just want to know the answer, and the more impatient I get, the more agitated I get. And sometimes, that can turn out to be real bad, bad enough that my impatients starts to get on other people nerves too. And that is the moment when I get my much needed wake up call...
The moment when everybody around me just look at me and stare, with all the same expression. The expression of "Geez Q, just calm down will you??" (haha...) They tell me that time over time, reminding me that everything is going to turn out fine, and that no matter what I was experiencing, there will be a reason for it in the end. All my friends and family around me will do their best to be patient towards me, and to remind me they still love me and care about me. And in the end, that is really all that matters right? Support and love?.. =)
But you know what the most amazing thing is?? The most amazing thing about this is the moment when your brian is finally focused, and your eyes are cleared...that moment when everything falls back in perspective, and you see the complete bliss's you actually have in front of you. Yes, maybe you don't have the answer you are looking for, and yes, maybe you don't really know where to go still, but that doesn't matter. Because you have something that is worth so so so much more.
You have your support system, full of people that loves and strengthen you. Your parents who never gave up on you; who always told you to keep going and pushing. Your sister/brother that has never left your side, who has hold your hand and hug you whenever you needed. Your friends who would drop everything without a second hesitation, and just be where you need them. All of these people were there for me, whenever I needed, wherever I needed, waiting until I came back to being myself. (which believe me...it took a while....)
Okay, now I know you guys must all be thinking about why in the world I am even talking about this. Well, let me tell you...
Lately, I have been going through one of those exact phase. I had something kind of traumatic happen, and it totally threw me back, and shock me, almost to the core. (almost...haha) I had one of those moments where I was just so done in waiting for the answer, or even caring about the reason behind it. I didn't see, or I guess want to see the lesson that this trial was trying to teach me. I started to get really down on myself, and I literally stopped caring.
I was constantly complaining, and grumpy. My conversations never seemed to end well, and eventually, I started to see that Look. The look from everybody. Even strait down to my co-workers. But even that didn't stop me. It didn't snap me back. Until one day...
That one day when it finally got enough for one of my closest friend. That friend that has always been there for me, but finally just had enough. I blew up at her for absolutely no good reason, and it really didn't end well. We were both angry, and I thought I had every single right to be. I didn't see what was wrong, and I didn't want to see. I was just sooooo mad. I didn't realize it at that time, but my true anger wasn't coming from her, and the small issue we were fighting over wasn't the issue either.....
No, I never told her this (that is why I am writing it now...), but it was over something deep inside me. Something I still don't understand completely, but something I realize that was affecting my emotional behavior. Something that just completely knock me over the edge, and gave such a immature performance towards this wonderful friend of mine.
I don't know the exact moment when I realize this simple truth. The truth about the true origin of my anger. It might have been after this good friend and I talked, and worked things out. It might be at the moment when I lay down in bed, and thought over my day, or even the moment when we laughed and had fun with each other for the first time since after the fight. I don't know...but I do know the truth of what I saw...and it was a beautiful truth that almost took my breath away..
It was the truth of how this friend truly loves me. She truly cared for me, and haven't given up on me. She was there, even when I was angry at her for no reason. She stood there, and the last thing she said to me before we ended the fight was "i love you..." After I had yelled at her for a full 15 minutes for something so minor, she had the heart and love to tell me that she loves me! I mean...it was something that completely shocked me! It took me a couple seconds, but I finally reply it back to her, but it seemed like minutes. It was in that moment when I saw the truth of my own love.
I do love this wonderful friend. She means so much to me, and she really has been through so much because of me, and has been through so much with me. She hasn't given up on me, like so many other people had. She was there, and even in my most unreasonable moment, she still loved me. Sitting across from her everyday after our argument has reminded me of that. It also reminds me of a greater love. The lover our Savior has for us. Her behavior that day showed so much of the Christ-like love. She didn't have a good reason to care for me, but she did, just as the Savior does for every one of us, each and every day.
He knows us, and he understands us. And sometimes, He knows we get impatient or angry, or even mean. We make mistakes, and we become unreasonable, just like human mortals do. But the amazing part is that He understands, and He doesn't care. He might be a little disappointed for a while, but the Savior will always forgive us if we realize our own wrong doings, and repent. No matter what happens, He always will give us unconditional love. He is the only one in the world that truly and completely understands what we are going through, and why we did what we did; so therefore, He is also the only person that can save us with infinite grace and love.
Isn't that just completely amazing?? I love that truth, and I am so grateful to have it in my life. I am also soooo grateful for such a good friend of mine that understands it too, and who was a big enough person to show that unconditional love towards me. I am writing this blog for me, but just as much for her to know that no matter what, I will always remember that moment, when she became such a great example of the Saviors love, and gave my back the clarity, and calmness I needed.
Now, you might ask do I know what I need to know now? Has the answer been given to me? No. Am I still a little impatient? Yes. But that is okay. Why? It's because of my great friend that has helped me gained my clarity back. I am back on track, and I know that no matter what happens, everything will be OKAY. =) don't you dare groan....
So, the take home message for you is that I know life is tough. I know there are things that test our patience, and fog our clarity. And it is during those times when we start to get off track a little. But those are the moments we need to stay strong the most. Look around you, and realize the support system you have. Rely on them, and trust in them. And then in return, be part of a support system yourself. Give strength to others, and show them unconditional love just as my friend gave to me. You don't know what impact that can have.. It can change..well, everything.
Keep trying your best to show unconditional love like our Savior, and to stay patient and clear minded. Don't get off track, but it is oka if you do! Just hurry and find your way back! =) I love you guys so much, and thanks so much for reading this very long post! haha..
Remember! Try your best to be your best!!!
Love,
Q
