Why does something fake feel so real?

Wow! It has been so long since I blogged!!! I feel so lost without blogging. It is so weird how something so new can become such a big part of you. It is actually kind of cool. I been wanting to blog for so long, and now that I can actually blog about it, there is so much I actually want to say, I don't know where to start.  But that is okay. I will just saying anything on my mind, and maybe they will end up as something useful. :)

So over the break I have been in Hong Kong and Japan, and it has been amazing. It feels like I am right at home. I don't know why, but whenever I am back here in Hong Kong, it seems like this is my real home. I feel so comfortable here, even though this isn't my real home. I wake up everyday knowing where I am going, and the people I am going to be dealing with. I feel so clear here, like everything makes sense again. But this isn't real. This is just for a time being, but why? Why can't this be real? It is just so weird. And to me, it is also so sad at the same time.

This also reminds me of another point that I have figured out lately. Do you realize that you always want something that you can't have? As humans, we always want something, and most of the time, we do our best to get it. But sometimes, for the things we want the most, they are the things we can't get the most. They things we want to be real the most, almost always turns out to be a fake dream.

I don't know what else to say about this. But I just realize that because of how much I wanted something. How much I just want to stay here in Hong Kong forever, and not worry about all the stress and trouble that is waiting for me back in Utah. But I can't. I have a responsibility. I have my life over there. I have to go back. No matter what I feel is real, and what is fake, reality always comes back, and changes everything.

Sometimes you just don't have a choice. And sometimes, you have the responsibility to choose which one. Everything I said tonight comes down to one thing. CHOICE. I can choose to like where I live, or I can choose to hate it. I can choose to want something that is reasonable, or I can choose to get a dream. Either way, it is a choice. Fake or real? Want or need? Choice and responsibility, or personal gain? I know I am not really clear tonight, but I just don't have much time, and I have so much to say.

I have to run now! Last dinner meetting with friends in China. Tomorrow I am going to be on a plane back to Utah. So I am going to spend my tonight the best I can! :) Hope you all are doing your best! Sending you all my love!

love,
QQ