Be ourselves???.....

So, as of the moment, I am sitting in my NDFS 100 Class. I really should be focusing, but I just can't. My brain is going 1000 MPH...If that is even possible. I really feel like writing today. Just to get my thoughts out, and my feelings expressed. You know that feeling where you just have to do that one thing before you can do anything else? And if you don't do it, its going to drive you crazy?? Ya, that is my feelings right now... 


Why is it so hard to just feel normal? I mean, feel like I am a regular person, and that everything is just going to be fine? Why is it so hard to be ourselves, and not hide from others? I mean, is feelings and true self really that scary? I am just so sick of people always hiding, and pretending to be somebody, when really deep inside, they are a completely different person. You know that song "Reflection" from the Disney movie Mulan? Well, if you don't, I gave you the link, so listen to it. It is really pretty awesome, and it explains a lot about all of us.

We all try to be somebody else. I mean, all the time. We all try to fit in with everybody else. Be part of the popular group. Make sure that we are loved from others. Try our best to be what our parents want. To look cool in front of our friends, and other people. Change ourselves so we could be loved. And forget what we really want so we can just be involved. I mean, do we truly know who we are deep inside? Have you tried to just sit down one night and write down everything that represents you? Everything that makes you yourself? Have you tried to live a day truly showing your personality, and being your true self? Showing your feelings towards others so they can help you? It's difficult right? You don't really think about it right? And it is only me that thinks about it, because you know, that is just how my brain works. :) 


In my opinion, being yourself is truly one of the hardest thing that humans do. I know so many people that if you aren't friends with them, you would never really know them at all. I have a really close friend...and I know her better then anybody else. 


She grew up in a situation where being herself wasn't a priority. Her priority were other people, and what they wanted. She felt that she didn't matter. She always pretended to be somebody else, going around living day to day, showing what others wanted to see. Never making her own decisions, just doing what others want. She show what others wanted to see, but never what she wanted to be. She always thought that she was happy, because she never gave way to her own emotions, but the more she lives and try to figure herself out, the more she feels upset. Until one day, her friend came along, and knocked some sense into her. He woke her up, and made her realize what was really happening. He helped her try to see who she really is. It is still an ongoing process, but still, she is somewhere today. I see my friend grow, and change. She is starting to see what she really wants, and who she really is. She tries to please herself before others. I see my friend struggle and fall, but then I get to see her stand back up and try again. 


Its a hard process and painful, but in the end, it is worth it to be yourself. Don't give up trying. Just keep going, it really does make a difference in the end. I have seen this work in my friend. And here is something else. A reason for all of us to be ourselves. Don't you ever just feel peace when you are yourself. Nothing else to worry about, and nobody else to control you? Just to share your own feeling, and to do what you want? 

It sounds really nice to me, but I have trouble with this. I really do. But over these two weeks, I choose one day every week where I was myself. Where whatever I did was because of what I wanted to do. Not because of anybody else. It was difficult, showing my own feelings, and making my own decision. Not an easy thing to do when you open yourself up like that. It is like taking away your safety net, but after you open up, it seems like everything is clear. For that 24 hours, I choose what I want, and I did what I want. It felt great. :) I am trying to do better. I need to to do better, and I want to do better. I want others to know me better. I want to be able to show my real self, and for others to know me as I am. I don't know how that is going to work, but I am definitely going to try to just be myself. Going to try my very best. :)  

Here is a challenge for you readers that just finished this post. Just take one day, 24 hours, 1,400 minutes, and 86,400 seconds to just be your own person. Don't care about what others want from you, and just do what you want. Be yourself, and choose your own actions. If you have issues, and problems, don't hide them because you feel weak. Try to talk to others, take away your safety net, and open yourself up. Have you ever tried that? If you haven't, you should really try, and then come back and tell me how it went. I am trying. It is hard. I know. And you might be thinking that it is so hard already, or that this doesn't apply to you, but look deep inside and ask yourself. Think about it, and then act on it. Just for one day. 24 hours. It's not very long. It flies by, and I promise you that when you do try to be yourself, you will feel better. Others have promised me that exact thing too, and it was true. Don't doubt me, and don't doubt yourself. :) Try your best. I am. :) 


With all the best wishes, 
Love,
Q2