Love... questions and no answers....

LOVE.  

It is such an complicating thing. There are so many different forms of it, and how they all interact in each human's lives. We all have our fantasy of what we want true love to look and feel like. We imagine a perfect fantasy world where our prince charming comes in riding on a beautiful white horse, and sweep us off our feet. He then takes us to a beautiful palace, and we live happily ever after. :) In real life, we always search for that one person that makes it the ideal situation for us. The boy/girl with the beautiful hair, and gorgeous eyes. The person that can make you stop in a middle of a sentence, not remembering what you were going to say next. The dream guy/girl that comes and makes all your problems go away. Or that one friend or family member that makes your whole world? Your own parents that can come and solve all your problems? The love towards the people around you and what they stand for. Is that love? 

With all our different dreams, do we really stop and think about what love truly is? The deep meaning of it, and what it stands for? Does it only mean the feeling of your heart skipping a beat when your other half is there? Or is it something deeper with more meaning, and a whole lot more complicated? And then there are other kinds of love like family love. What does that relationship really mean? Does it only mean a group of people living together as a family, and therefore everybody should love each other? Or is it a deep bonding feeling that holds your whole world together because you all feel it?? 


These are the questions I keep asking myself lately. I don't really know why, but in the past couple of weeks, I keep thinking about the word love, what what it means to me. All kinds of love.  Like the love I have towards my family, or my hobbies. The crush that I have on this really cute guy. How big of a part is love in my life? How much of what I do depends on the level of love I have towards the activity or person? How much would I give up for my family? How much do I love myself, and will do for my own personal gain? So ya. Lots of questions. So today I decided that if I am just going to ask all of these questions over and over again and drive myself crazy, I should just write it all down in my blog, so maybe in the end I will feel better. 

Okay, so this was my own definition of love:  

When somebody truly love and care about somebody else, they will do all that is in their power to make the others happy and feel loved. No matter what, if you truly love somebody, you will always be there for them. You will help them through all their trials and heartaches; and you will laugh with them through all the pleasant surprises in life.

I don't know what you think about my definition, but for most of my life, I thought it was a great way of describing what Love means to me. But lately I realize something. If I do all I can for the people I love, and make sure that everybody around me is happy and satisfy, when do I get to take care of myself? How much is too much love? If I love myself, shouldn't I be doing all I can for myself also? But why does it seem like that as I am trying to make sure that everybody around me is happy, I tend to forget myself in the process? When is it the time for me to step back and realize that sometimes, what I do for people that I love might be just a little too much? If it hurts me when I try to make others happy, then is it time for me to stop? 

Just when is it right for the stop sign to show up in my face?

I find that it is so hard to make everybody around me happy. I can't do it. If I do one thing for Bob, then Mary gets mad because I didn't do something for her. If I try to to make James happy, then Jane gets made because I forgot about her. How can I solve everything in the world? I can't just split myself in two to satisfy both of them right? Or I just can't make sure that all my friends are happy at the same time because no one is ever satisfy all the way. If I do try to please everybody and love them all the my fullest extent, then when do I have time to take care of myself? I mean, do I need to care for myself? Or should I just think that as long as everybody around me is happy and loved, then I should be too? 


I really don't know how to answer all these questions. I mean, a lot of history goes with the questions that I am asking, and a whole lot more of information that is missing in this blog. All I know is that right now, at this moment, I want things to all stop! I just want to be my own person, and find a way where I can love everybody, but still love myself. I want someone to just say thank-you to me after I do something for them. I don't always want to be the one that is only visible when someone needs something, and then invisible the next after they got what they want. I feel that I am worth more then that. I feel like that I deserve a little love too, because right now, I feel like I am loving everybody else, but everybody else is forgetting about me. It makes me just want to run away to a fantasy land where everything is perfect, and just the way I want it to be. A place like the beach....haha...no, but seriously. When is it going to start being about me and less about them all the time? Is it too much to ask for me to just get a little love? 


So, in the end, what is love? How do we react towards love? I mean, how much of our own definition of love determine the person that we are? How much difference can love make in our lives? Does love rule us? Or do we rule it? When does it get to much of others and too little of us? I don't know. I can't answer that. So here is where I ask for you help. Please help me. Tell me what you think. Answer my questions, because for the life of me, I just can't myself. And right now, I need answers. I need to know what I am doing in my life, and how much of what I am doing is helping me, or hurting myself to come back. I need to know who I really am. I want to find out how to be happy. I want to try my best. :) As always. And this time, I need your help. So, are you going to help me? Answer my questions? And also do your best in life also?? I don't know. That is a question that you will have to answer yourself. I have too much of my own in the first place.  :) 


Love,
Q2


P.S - all that I said today is my own opinion, and is all explaining my own life. Please nobody take offense to anything I said today. :)