Why does something fake feel so real?

Wow! It has been so long since I blogged!!! I feel so lost without blogging. It is so weird how something so new can become such a big part of you. It is actually kind of cool. I been wanting to blog for so long, and now that I can actually blog about it, there is so much I actually want to say, I don't know where to start.  But that is okay. I will just saying anything on my mind, and maybe they will end up as something useful. :)

So over the break I have been in Hong Kong and Japan, and it has been amazing. It feels like I am right at home. I don't know why, but whenever I am back here in Hong Kong, it seems like this is my real home. I feel so comfortable here, even though this isn't my real home. I wake up everyday knowing where I am going, and the people I am going to be dealing with. I feel so clear here, like everything makes sense again. But this isn't real. This is just for a time being, but why? Why can't this be real? It is just so weird. And to me, it is also so sad at the same time.

This also reminds me of another point that I have figured out lately. Do you realize that you always want something that you can't have? As humans, we always want something, and most of the time, we do our best to get it. But sometimes, for the things we want the most, they are the things we can't get the most. They things we want to be real the most, almost always turns out to be a fake dream.

I don't know what else to say about this. But I just realize that because of how much I wanted something. How much I just want to stay here in Hong Kong forever, and not worry about all the stress and trouble that is waiting for me back in Utah. But I can't. I have a responsibility. I have my life over there. I have to go back. No matter what I feel is real, and what is fake, reality always comes back, and changes everything.

Sometimes you just don't have a choice. And sometimes, you have the responsibility to choose which one. Everything I said tonight comes down to one thing. CHOICE. I can choose to like where I live, or I can choose to hate it. I can choose to want something that is reasonable, or I can choose to get a dream. Either way, it is a choice. Fake or real? Want or need? Choice and responsibility, or personal gain? I know I am not really clear tonight, but I just don't have much time, and I have so much to say.

I have to run now! Last dinner meetting with friends in China. Tomorrow I am going to be on a plane back to Utah. So I am going to spend my tonight the best I can! :) Hope you all are doing your best! Sending you all my love!

love,
QQ

Thoughts...thoughts...thoughts...

I just needed to sort out my thoughts today, so I decided that I am going to write a blog. Writing this blog is always one of my favorite therapeutic activities. I realize that writing to an audience always makes me see things clearer, and understand more of my own thoughts. So, today, instead of going crazy in my own brain, I am writing it all out. 

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the major stress in my life right now is FINALS. I am so freaked out about it. I mean, this is my first real session of college finals, and I really don't know how to go about it. I am the kind of person that wants to do and finish everything perfect. I don't let myself accept second best. I mean, I never done something half way, and then give up because it is too hard. I always push to the end, and make sure I have done my best, and that everything is as perfect as it can be. Now, this is a great way to drive a person crazy and insane because nothing can ever be perfect. So if you are trying to find a way to live your life, this is not something you want to start doing. Trust me. 


Anyways...back to finals. I don't know how to try my best on this because I don't know what I need to study for. I mean, I know everything in the class, but to what level? How deep do I need to go, and how much do I have to spend on it? I don't know if I can accept the results of the test if they come out horrible, because I won't have a chance to go back and have a second chance for a better score. I mean, that is what scares me the most. I won't be able to fix my mistakes after the finals. They are stuck for the rest of my life, and I won't have a chance to make it perfect again. I know it sounds silly, and impossible for me to be perfect in life, but a illogical part of me always try to make it perfect. Which is a very bad thing. I think it is mostly my perfectionist personality that causes me stress. Not finals themselves. So, I will have to find a way to calm down before they start. 

Isn't that picture peaceful?

Another thing that is also causing me stress right now is my confusing about human nature. Over the last few weeks, I have had many instances where I felt so confuse about what humans do, and why. I mean their actions towards other people. Why is there need in this world for people to be mean to each other? Why do we have to argue, or be defensive? Why can't we be a little more selfless, and care about each other. Why is it that some people only cares about themselves, and only do things for others if it benefits them also? Doesn't that bug you? I mean, one of my biggest goals in life is to be nice to everybody. Isn't it better to be known as the nice girl, other then the rude person that everybody else is afraid of? I mean, it only makes sense. You have seen those movies. The ones that has the mean bully that wins in the beginning, but at the end of the show, the other characters just got tired of them, and won their way out. The bully comes out the bad guy, and the nice, weak characters comes up on top being the hero. I rather be the Hero. I sure don't wan't to be the bully that everybody hates. 

Okay, so I am talking about this because I have had a couple experiences over the pass weeks where a person came to me, and was purposely rude to me, and I am totally sick and tired of it. I mean, they weren't even trying to be nice. They were out right mean. And I was so offended. I don't get mad at other people often. I mean, it takes a lot to anger me, so this was really bad. I didn't get mad at them though. I just stood there and smiled, and remember a quote that I found a couple weeks ago. It made me smile, and I stood there and took everything this very rude and mean person was doing to me. I put the quote right below. I hope you can read it, and if there is somebody out there rude to you, just remember, they are the sand-paper, and you will be benefited by them. 

:)

BUT! If you are being rude to others, STOP! It doesn't do you any good in the end. And you don't want to regret things at the end, because it will be too late for you to do anything about it. And this leads me to the next thought that I have been pondering over this week.

What do we do as human beings? I mean, we live on this earth, and every single day we have the same routine. We have experiences, trials, and happiness. We learn new things, and over come hard things. We make new friends, and new relationships. We accomplish goals, and learn from our mistakes. We gain an education, get a career, and start our own family.  It is a lot of things that we do, and during all of this, we HAVE to seize every moment of it. Ever single moment is special. It passes, and then it is gone. Time is treasure. As humans, we never know what is going to happen. Everything in the future is a mystery to us, but we don't want to miss any experiences during the present. What we have is now. As Kung Fu Panda says it, 

"The pass is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is call the Present."

 

Things always happens at our least expecting moment. We don't know what will happen, but we do know what is happening right now. We can never take anything for granted. Time is a treasure and we have to cherish it. One day pass by quick, and after that 24 hours, you can never gain it back. You don't want to regret at the end of time because there were things that you never did, or things that you wished you could of done better. Don't have regret in the end. Try your best now, so later as time has passed on you don't have to say "I only wish...." I know I have point this out before, but I feel like I should say it again, because this concept has become a very big part of my life recently. I have learned to cherish time, and everything that comes. Because nothing stays the same, and one day is just one day. Nothing else. So don't let it waste. Nothing is set in stone, and nothing is ever promised for us in the future. 

You aren't promised tomorrow, so don't forget to cherish life.
And to love others because you might not get a chance tomorrow. 

I know I said a lot of things tonight. None of them really connect with each other. They are just random thoughts I had in my head. But these thoughts has been in my head for a while, and I needed them out so I can focus on studying. But really. After you finish reading this, I hope you understand what I was taking about. Don't be a perfectionist. That is never good for you. Don't be rude to other people. Try to be nice, and be the hero that comes up on top. And most of all, cherish your time. Don't have regrets in the end. Try your best to do everything, but just don't try to be perfect at it. Which is completely different from doing your best. :) Haha....Well, now I feel a whole lot better.  I hope you decide to go throughout your day, and try your best at everything that you do. :) Because I am. I will just have to stop trying to be perfect. :) Thanks for taking 5 minutes out of your day and reading my blog. Writing in this blog always makes me feel better, and knowing that you are reading it makes me even happier. 

So, Thanks for listening/ reading my blog.

LOVE,

Q2

Holidays...

What a great week it has been!!!!  One of the funnest week of the year. Within this week, there is a day where you spend time with family to laugh, eat, and just be thankful for each other's company. A day for memory making, and remembrance. It's a day for forgetting old grudges, and becoming friends again. It is a day where we think about everything that we have, and remember to never take things for granted. It's THANKSGIVING. 

I LOVE this Holiday. Every time when Thanksgiving comes around, my family usually do something we all think of a little tradition. We hold our hands around the table, and each one of use say the most important thing we are grateful for this year before we say the prayer and eat. It is a very special time, and I always spend so much time thinking of my most special and important thing I am thankful for. When I actually get to sit down and think about what I have, and everything that I am thankful for, I realize how much I really have. I always start to recognize that all the bad things, hard trails, and unfortunate events that has been happening in my life really is okay because of all the other amazing blessings that I have received. 


This year, since my family didn't spend alone time together during Thanksgiving due to a huge party, I am going to write everything that I am thankful for on here. I know, it is a little cheesy, but I really like our tradition, and I am really really bummed out that I couldn't do it this year. So now, I am fixing the problem. 


I know this is really late, and way pass Thanksgiving, but since Thanksgiving is for families to be together, I decided to wait until after the holiday write this post. But I think it still applies now, an to everyday life. We should be thankful and grateful for what we have always. 

I am Thankful for my life. I love being here on earth, living in this wonderful world, and having all that was given to me. I am thankful for being able to wake up each day knowing that I can make something out of myself, and be my very own person. I am grateful that each day I live, I can learn something new, and know that I am doing my best at everything that is given to me. 


I am thankful for my Family. I love them so much. No matter what they do, or what happens, they are everything to me. I am so grateful for everything that they have done for me. Without them, I don't know what I would do. 

I am thankful for my friends. I am grateful for all those strangers that I have meet, who out of the goodness of their hearts has decided to take me in, and make me part of their lives. I love that I can always count on them. I am thankful for all they teach me in life, and all that they help me through. I am grateful for all the laughs and memories that we have together. 


I am thankful for the wonderful gospel i have been born into. I am so grateful for my saviors atonement for me, and his love for me.  I am thankful for all he has ever done for me, and all the strength he has giving me. I love my savior so much, and my Heavenly Father above. I am so thankful that I have a testimony of the church, and KNOW with my whole being that It is true. 

So, these are the main things that I am thankful for. I mean, there are lots more. There is always so much that I am thankful for.  If I actually sat down and thought about everything that I am thankful for and list them down, it would take forever. So I won't do that. But...What are you thankful for?? Have you thought about it over this holiday? Will you keep thinking about it for the weeks to come? 


Over the coming weeks, it is going to be the time of Christmas. We all get excited for the lights, and decorations, food and family, and everything else that comes with this holiday. But during this time, I challenge you not to forget the real reason we have this holiday. To remember Christ, and his birth and atoning sacrifice for us all. Be thankful, and grateful. Remember to care, and to love. Remember Him, and thank him for all he has done for us. Don't just love this holiday for the presents and good food, but love it because of Him, and because of our chance here on earth. Try your best to be thankful always, and cherish everything you have. Don't forget why Christ-mas is what it is. It is for CHRIST. :) I am going to try my best. Just like always. :) Will you? :) 


Have a happy holiday! 


love,
Q2

The little things...

Meaning I should stop whining... :) 

Okay, so I admit that this title is a little weird. It sounds really whiny, but seriously! I am in quite a whiny mood today! I just spent the last week writing 3 HUGE essays, and studying for 2 tests! That is a whole lot of stuff!!! I mean, it might seem like it's not, but it really is! And on top of that, I have chemistry homework due tonight at 11:59 PM, which I should actually be doing, but after such a hard week, there is no way I am going to work on it right now! I don't feel like it at all, so I am not going to! So...I decided to write in my blog instead. I like writing. It is simple and therapeutic, and that is what I need at this exact moment.. Not Chemistry homework! So there!  Okay...so I know that whining is not the best thing to be doing at this exact moment, so I guess I am going to stop, and get back to blogging. :)

Forget about yesterday, and try to live today,
because no matter how hard you try, you just can't change the pass. 

Anyways, other then this week being completely crazy and frustrating, nothing else exiting really happened. I have nothing special to blog about, but this week, I did find some really inspirational quotes that I want to share with you guys. These quotes really helped me along the way this hard week. It made me see the good things in the world, other then just keep focusing on the narrow point. It was just the little things. Just some sayings that brighten my day a little. They taught me a lot, and made me see many different things.  Overall, these quotes are just amazing, and I want to share them with you. :) 

All of us have busy lives, but if we take a moment out of our lives, 
and try to see the little things that matters most, '
it will make those big things seem just a little better. 

Life is too short to be worrying about things that we can't control.
It is tiring to try to understand everything. All we can do is just live,
and try to be the happiest that we can be. 

Are you cherishing your life?
Do you understand everything
in life happens for a reason? 
Are you doing your best to make life worth it? 

You have to work in life.
You can't just expect people to hand you everything you need.
The point of life isn't to sit there and expect things to magically appear.
The point is to learn, and to grow. 

Stand up for what you believe.
Stick to your own beliefs, and defend it when you need to.
After all, if you don't have your own opinions,
and beliefs in life, what do you truly have? 

YOU decide. No body else. You are in charge of your own life;
 not only the people that are in your life, but everything that has to do with your time here on earth.
You choose. Your responsibility. So, choose right.
Don't regret later, because you might not have a later. 

I hope you can read these quotes, and learn from them. Hopefully they will make you feel better if something is wrong, or that they may be able to shine some lights into your life if you are feeling dark. No matter what you are going through, and no mater what you are feeling, there are things in life that just make things a little better. Even if it is simple as little quotes on a picture. Every little thing counts. Life is too short to waste it on bad things. Open up your eyes, and focus on the whole picture. See life in a better light. It makes things just a little better, and really, that is all you need in a dark and scary situation. I know this isn't the most inspirational post ever, but I just thought it was important to share this with you tonight. 

It's so pretty! :) It just makes me smile. ;) 

All of us have worries, and all of us have trials, but sometimes if we just take a step back, pay attention to little things like quotes, everything just seems that much better. Not a whole lot, just a little. I truly believe that. All it takes is some simple things. A hug, a smile, laughter, love. That is all I need. You can believe what you want to, but for me and for my own life, I believe in the small and simple things. :) What do you want in life? What do you believe? Are you trying your best to figure it out? Are you doing your best to live life to the fullest, even though it means you are paying attention to the small things in life? I am. I am trying my best to be my best. And I encourage you to also. Well, that is all I have to say! Good night! 


With all my love,
Q2

One of my Pet Peeves...

So here might be something that you guys might not know about me. I absolutely hate arguing. Whether is me doing it, or watching someone else do it. I just hate it. I am not talking about debating or expressing one's views. I am actually talking about arguing. Loud voices, raised temper, and defensive views. Those three add together = Explosion! I don't understand why we argue. What is the point of it? And in the end, what does it accomplish? To me, the answer is simple. NOTHING. That is the result of the tiring arguing. So, why in the world do we start doing it in the first place?


You know, when anybody starts arguing, they usually do it because they want to be right. They argue their own point until the other party gives up, or until they admit defeat. They yell, scream, and if they are not careful, sooner or later it will turn into a fight. I have watched many arguments  in my life, and I have seen how things go. I watch as people become disgruntle with each other, and starts being defensive about somethings that doesn't even really matter. When they do start arguing, they eventually forget about each other feelings, and how they are friends, family, or even couples. They just want to be right. Nothing else maters. They hurt the relationships that they are in, because at that moment instead of seeing the big picture, they focused on one narrow point. 


Then, usually after all the arguing, yelling, and maybe feeling hurting..people are usually just exhausted. Not only did they hurt themselves in the process of trying to show they are right, they hurt others around them. The people around them that heard the arguments might feel bad, and sometimes might even feel responsible for the argument. Or after the argument, people usually try to project the anger towards other people around them too. Somehow trying to make themselves feel better by trying to make others feel worst. That is the worst thing ever. I mean like ever! (well, not really..but you get what I mean...) Just because you are mad at something, or someone, that doesn't mean you have the right to start throwing attitude at everybody else around you. It really doesn't help yourself, or anybody else when you start throwing an attitude at others just because you are upset or mad after an argument. It usually doesn't make anything better, is just makes things worst for the person that is throwing the attitude, and the people around them. So, why? I mean, after all that happens, it just makes me keep asking the question WHY? I mean, seriously..what is the point? 

But humans are like that. WE like to be right. I mean all of us. We get defensive when things aren't, but that doesn't mean that we have to argue because of it. We can have our point of vies, and stand up for what we think, but we don't have to make a big deal out of something that isn't really important at all. We can control it. Just like everything else. We have a right over our emotions... (well, some of them...but deciding wether or not to act on those emotions...we most definitely have control over that...) 

I really do think that arguing is just a waste of energy and time. That is my belief. I mean, there was a time where I was one of those people. The ones that get mad for no reason and just blow up. But then i just got exhausted. I didn't always want to be mad. I wanted to feel happy, and just not waste all my energy on being defensive, and live a little more. And you know what? A lot of things went better. I saw the world in a different light. I didn't always have to be right because sometimes if I admit I was wrong, I could actually learn somethings. It really changed a lot about me as a person. Now? I don't get mad at all. I mean, okay, sometimes I do, but a whole lot less then before. Now, I just let others think they are right because deep down, if I am right and I know it, that is all that matters, and if I am wrong, I can take that as a opportunity to learn and grow. It is a whole lot better way to solve problems then yelling your lungs off, and offending everybody around you. 

So why? I don't understand why other people have to fight all the time! Even over the little things. If we all just stop before we act in anger, take a deep breath, and count to 10, many things in life will just be a whole lot simpler. And nicer. We all can get along together a whole lot better. So next time before you start yelling or become defensive, just stop yourself, and see it as a opportunity to learn instead. See how that will change your perspective in life. See how that will improve your relationship to the person you are arguing with. It really helps, and it really works. Talking, and learning is a whole lot better then arguing. For everybody. :) As always, try your best. :) In EVERYTHING that you do. Even if it is only controlling your temper. :) It changes everything sometimes! :) Because I am trying my best. Just like always! :) 


Love,
Q2

Just one day....

In one week, there are 7 days. In those 7 days, there are 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, and 604,800 seconds. And these numbers keeps on running. The time never stops. Weeks and weeks pass by, and during the week, we do many different things. So many different things can change, and completely twist your way of life around. But there are also many things to goes right. Things that we accomplish, and have with us. Things that made us happy, and things that made us grow. And not just a week. One day can make a big difference. One day can change everything.  

Do we realize how much we do in just one day? How much happens, and how it can affect us for better or worst? Take today for example. Today is Sunday. 


On Sundays, we wake up, have breakfast, and depending on what time your church block is at, you go to church. It is the day where we rest from our daily work, pull ourselves away from our worldly worries, and think about our Heavenly Father and Savior above.  Its the day were we take 3 hours out of the 24, and go to church to thank our Father above for all that he does for us, and to feel his spirit. We sit in our Sunday school classes, to learn about the Gospel, and to feel the wonderful spirit. It is a day where we sit in sacrament meeting, and partake of the Sacrament, and remember our Savior's sacrifice for all of us. (This is my religion, and what I believe. Just so nobody take offense if they don't believe the same things as I do.) We remember his Atonement, and all of his love to all of his children. It is a day where we open ourselves up to learn of his Miracles, and know of his truth. 

Just for fun, here is a quote for you to ponder about... :)

After church, we all socialize, and catch up with each other. Business are taken care of, and the needy are helped. We go home, and spend time with our family, and just catching up with each other. Some of us would have a big family dinner, and activities, and some of us would take this time just to be by ourselves and ponder over things. It would be quite, and peaceful one minute, and fill with laughter and voices the next. It is the day where we catch up on the things that we missed during the week. The day where some of us would catch up on our sleep by napping, and where other of us would catch up on our fun by reading a fun book. If you are a college student, this is the day (no matter how bad) that you catch up on homework. You also have ward choir practice, and ward prayer. Its the day where you cook your meals for the next week because you just might not have time during the week. It is a day where you can do many many different things. I haven't even listed everything thing yet. It is a day only with 24 hours, just like any other day. 

But look at how much one can accomplish in just 24 hours. Many things can also just completely change in one hour, or even a minute. One can become a millionaire within seconds by just winning the lottery. A person can change from an child to an adult just by having an 18th birthday. A brand new life can enter into this world after some hard hours of labor by the mom, but still, in one day the lives of a family is changed forever because of a new life. But also, in just one moment, second, in a blink of an eye, a life can be taken away from us forever. A son, a friend, a wonderful guy can just be gone. Everything changes. You can't turn the time back and stop it from changing. You just have to keep moving on. 

In one day, we do many things. We live many different experiences. A lot of things can change, and forever be gone. Many things can also become better. We have to seize every single moment of our lives. Not a second can be taken for granted. So many things happens in this world where it makes a day seem worthless, and non-important. But in reality, it is just as important as any other things in this world. Don't take it for granted. Ever. Because you don't know what can happen or change in one day. Live it to the fullest. 

One week, 7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, and 604,800 seconds. That is it. And then it starts all over again. Cherish it. You don't know how many you have. You don't know what will happen. But if you live it and enjoy it to the very second, there won't be any regrets in the end. Try your best. Its hard. I know. I mean, trust me. But I don't want to have any regrets in the end. So I am going to try to live my days to the fullest from now on. Maybe stop complaining as much also. How about you? Are you going to try your best to live your life to the fullest? 

With lots of love and thoughts, 

Q2

RIP Zack

Be ourselves???.....

So, as of the moment, I am sitting in my NDFS 100 Class. I really should be focusing, but I just can't. My brain is going 1000 MPH...If that is even possible. I really feel like writing today. Just to get my thoughts out, and my feelings expressed. You know that feeling where you just have to do that one thing before you can do anything else? And if you don't do it, its going to drive you crazy?? Ya, that is my feelings right now... 


Why is it so hard to just feel normal? I mean, feel like I am a regular person, and that everything is just going to be fine? Why is it so hard to be ourselves, and not hide from others? I mean, is feelings and true self really that scary? I am just so sick of people always hiding, and pretending to be somebody, when really deep inside, they are a completely different person. You know that song "Reflection" from the Disney movie Mulan? Well, if you don't, I gave you the link, so listen to it. It is really pretty awesome, and it explains a lot about all of us.

We all try to be somebody else. I mean, all the time. We all try to fit in with everybody else. Be part of the popular group. Make sure that we are loved from others. Try our best to be what our parents want. To look cool in front of our friends, and other people. Change ourselves so we could be loved. And forget what we really want so we can just be involved. I mean, do we truly know who we are deep inside? Have you tried to just sit down one night and write down everything that represents you? Everything that makes you yourself? Have you tried to live a day truly showing your personality, and being your true self? Showing your feelings towards others so they can help you? It's difficult right? You don't really think about it right? And it is only me that thinks about it, because you know, that is just how my brain works. :) 


In my opinion, being yourself is truly one of the hardest thing that humans do. I know so many people that if you aren't friends with them, you would never really know them at all. I have a really close friend...and I know her better then anybody else. 


She grew up in a situation where being herself wasn't a priority. Her priority were other people, and what they wanted. She felt that she didn't matter. She always pretended to be somebody else, going around living day to day, showing what others wanted to see. Never making her own decisions, just doing what others want. She show what others wanted to see, but never what she wanted to be. She always thought that she was happy, because she never gave way to her own emotions, but the more she lives and try to figure herself out, the more she feels upset. Until one day, her friend came along, and knocked some sense into her. He woke her up, and made her realize what was really happening. He helped her try to see who she really is. It is still an ongoing process, but still, she is somewhere today. I see my friend grow, and change. She is starting to see what she really wants, and who she really is. She tries to please herself before others. I see my friend struggle and fall, but then I get to see her stand back up and try again. 


Its a hard process and painful, but in the end, it is worth it to be yourself. Don't give up trying. Just keep going, it really does make a difference in the end. I have seen this work in my friend. And here is something else. A reason for all of us to be ourselves. Don't you ever just feel peace when you are yourself. Nothing else to worry about, and nobody else to control you? Just to share your own feeling, and to do what you want? 

It sounds really nice to me, but I have trouble with this. I really do. But over these two weeks, I choose one day every week where I was myself. Where whatever I did was because of what I wanted to do. Not because of anybody else. It was difficult, showing my own feelings, and making my own decision. Not an easy thing to do when you open yourself up like that. It is like taking away your safety net, but after you open up, it seems like everything is clear. For that 24 hours, I choose what I want, and I did what I want. It felt great. :) I am trying to do better. I need to to do better, and I want to do better. I want others to know me better. I want to be able to show my real self, and for others to know me as I am. I don't know how that is going to work, but I am definitely going to try to just be myself. Going to try my very best. :)  

Here is a challenge for you readers that just finished this post. Just take one day, 24 hours, 1,400 minutes, and 86,400 seconds to just be your own person. Don't care about what others want from you, and just do what you want. Be yourself, and choose your own actions. If you have issues, and problems, don't hide them because you feel weak. Try to talk to others, take away your safety net, and open yourself up. Have you ever tried that? If you haven't, you should really try, and then come back and tell me how it went. I am trying. It is hard. I know. And you might be thinking that it is so hard already, or that this doesn't apply to you, but look deep inside and ask yourself. Think about it, and then act on it. Just for one day. 24 hours. It's not very long. It flies by, and I promise you that when you do try to be yourself, you will feel better. Others have promised me that exact thing too, and it was true. Don't doubt me, and don't doubt yourself. :) Try your best. I am. :) 


With all the best wishes, 
Love,
Q2

Love... questions and no answers....

LOVE.  

It is such an complicating thing. There are so many different forms of it, and how they all interact in each human's lives. We all have our fantasy of what we want true love to look and feel like. We imagine a perfect fantasy world where our prince charming comes in riding on a beautiful white horse, and sweep us off our feet. He then takes us to a beautiful palace, and we live happily ever after. :) In real life, we always search for that one person that makes it the ideal situation for us. The boy/girl with the beautiful hair, and gorgeous eyes. The person that can make you stop in a middle of a sentence, not remembering what you were going to say next. The dream guy/girl that comes and makes all your problems go away. Or that one friend or family member that makes your whole world? Your own parents that can come and solve all your problems? The love towards the people around you and what they stand for. Is that love? 

With all our different dreams, do we really stop and think about what love truly is? The deep meaning of it, and what it stands for? Does it only mean the feeling of your heart skipping a beat when your other half is there? Or is it something deeper with more meaning, and a whole lot more complicated? And then there are other kinds of love like family love. What does that relationship really mean? Does it only mean a group of people living together as a family, and therefore everybody should love each other? Or is it a deep bonding feeling that holds your whole world together because you all feel it?? 


These are the questions I keep asking myself lately. I don't really know why, but in the past couple of weeks, I keep thinking about the word love, what what it means to me. All kinds of love.  Like the love I have towards my family, or my hobbies. The crush that I have on this really cute guy. How big of a part is love in my life? How much of what I do depends on the level of love I have towards the activity or person? How much would I give up for my family? How much do I love myself, and will do for my own personal gain? So ya. Lots of questions. So today I decided that if I am just going to ask all of these questions over and over again and drive myself crazy, I should just write it all down in my blog, so maybe in the end I will feel better. 

Okay, so this was my own definition of love:  

When somebody truly love and care about somebody else, they will do all that is in their power to make the others happy and feel loved. No matter what, if you truly love somebody, you will always be there for them. You will help them through all their trials and heartaches; and you will laugh with them through all the pleasant surprises in life.

I don't know what you think about my definition, but for most of my life, I thought it was a great way of describing what Love means to me. But lately I realize something. If I do all I can for the people I love, and make sure that everybody around me is happy and satisfy, when do I get to take care of myself? How much is too much love? If I love myself, shouldn't I be doing all I can for myself also? But why does it seem like that as I am trying to make sure that everybody around me is happy, I tend to forget myself in the process? When is it the time for me to step back and realize that sometimes, what I do for people that I love might be just a little too much? If it hurts me when I try to make others happy, then is it time for me to stop? 

Just when is it right for the stop sign to show up in my face?

I find that it is so hard to make everybody around me happy. I can't do it. If I do one thing for Bob, then Mary gets mad because I didn't do something for her. If I try to to make James happy, then Jane gets made because I forgot about her. How can I solve everything in the world? I can't just split myself in two to satisfy both of them right? Or I just can't make sure that all my friends are happy at the same time because no one is ever satisfy all the way. If I do try to please everybody and love them all the my fullest extent, then when do I have time to take care of myself? I mean, do I need to care for myself? Or should I just think that as long as everybody around me is happy and loved, then I should be too? 


I really don't know how to answer all these questions. I mean, a lot of history goes with the questions that I am asking, and a whole lot more of information that is missing in this blog. All I know is that right now, at this moment, I want things to all stop! I just want to be my own person, and find a way where I can love everybody, but still love myself. I want someone to just say thank-you to me after I do something for them. I don't always want to be the one that is only visible when someone needs something, and then invisible the next after they got what they want. I feel that I am worth more then that. I feel like that I deserve a little love too, because right now, I feel like I am loving everybody else, but everybody else is forgetting about me. It makes me just want to run away to a fantasy land where everything is perfect, and just the way I want it to be. A place like the beach....haha...no, but seriously. When is it going to start being about me and less about them all the time? Is it too much to ask for me to just get a little love? 


So, in the end, what is love? How do we react towards love? I mean, how much of our own definition of love determine the person that we are? How much difference can love make in our lives? Does love rule us? Or do we rule it? When does it get to much of others and too little of us? I don't know. I can't answer that. So here is where I ask for you help. Please help me. Tell me what you think. Answer my questions, because for the life of me, I just can't myself. And right now, I need answers. I need to know what I am doing in my life, and how much of what I am doing is helping me, or hurting myself to come back. I need to know who I really am. I want to find out how to be happy. I want to try my best. :) As always. And this time, I need your help. So, are you going to help me? Answer my questions? And also do your best in life also?? I don't know. That is a question that you will have to answer yourself. I have too much of my own in the first place.  :) 


Love,
Q2


P.S - all that I said today is my own opinion, and is all explaining my own life. Please nobody take offense to anything I said today. :)